16 Stylish Staches for a Manly Manuary
Just like the other two monthly movements, Manuary is a cause to raise to raise awareness for men’s health – this time, it’s about cancers of the throat, mouth, head, neck, and other areas covered by glorious facial hair. Read more on the official Manuary website.
Manuary is all about the beards, but everything from mustaches to mutton chops are more than welcome, too. Plus, since it’s the last of three hair-raising events, you might already have a head start. Here’s a guide on how to get a few of our favorite facial hair looks.
Got a suit and tie? Then growing this mustache is a decision you won’t immediately regret.
For added authenticity, print out some tiny Kazakh flags for yourself and wave them with pride. Play the national anthem out loud everywhere you go, too, but not the fake version from the movie. Remember when that actually happened a couple years ago?
The Offerman (a.k.a. The Swanson)
Nick Offerman and his Parks and Recreation character, Ron Swanson, are both accomplished carpenters as well as pure embodiments of manliness. You can look just like the both of them with a simple addition to your upper lip.
Corollary: The Axe Cop
Based on the webcomic created by then five-year-old Malachi and illustrated by his older brother Ethan, Axe Cop is a series of short animated episodes that aired on Fox’s ADHD block, with the title character voiced by Offerman. Put simply, Axe Cop is the most bad-ass character ever created by a child. Thrash band Lich King even paid tribute with an Axe Cop metal song, with lines from the comic as the lyrics.
If you already have a green sweater, pink shirt, and glasses, then all you need is a mustache to emulate everyone’s favorite Bible-thumping Springfield citizen.
The Plainview (a.k.a. the Milkshake Mustache)
There Will Be Blood: the three-hour movie that everyone went to see just because of that one line, which isn’t delivered until the last scene. Don’t worry, it’s really not a spoiler at all – and it really is a great film. Daniel Day-Lewis won his second of three Best Actor Oscars for it, too.
They called him Machete. He was given an offer he couldn’t refuse. He knows the score, he gets the women, and he kills the bad guys. Danny Trejo is totally one of those action movie stars who plays himself in every movie, and we’re more than okay with that. After all, all you need is the four B’s to make a great movie. And for the look of the Grindhouse character, all you need is a sweet stache and some long hair. Machetes help too.
As an added bonus, the Lemmy mustache also comes with a side of chops. You’ll also need something like a black cowboy hat and a bass guitar to really channel your inner Snaggletooth – it might be overkill, but a little accessorization never hurt anyone.
This mighty walrus-like bristle transcends the mere concept of a mustache and becomes a glorious faceful of hair fit only for the truest of Renaissance men. You don’t need to be an engineer, machinist, dive master, survival expert, linguist, sailor, or Mythbuster like the real Hyneman to rock one yourself, but donning an immaculately clean white shirt and black beret certainly wouldn’t hurt.
We’re not talking about this Charles Bronson, though he was known for rocking a ‘stache too, but rather this Charles Bronson – the man referred to as “the most violent prisoner in Britain,” and the title character portrayed by Tom Hardy in the 2008 movie Bronson. Born Michael Peterson, Bronson has most recently changed his name to Charles Salvador, in honor of Salvador Dali, his favorite artist. Speaking of which….
The Salvador Dali mustache is one part mustache wax, and 100 parts insanity. The only thing crazier than his signature look is his full name: Salvador Domingo Felipe Jacinto Dalí i Domènech, 1st Marqués de Dalí de Pubol.
Known as a toothbrush mustache, this style was hugely popular in the United States thanks to actors like Charlie Chaplin and Oliver Hardy, but inexplicably fell out of favor after the 1940s. Michael Jordan tried to bring it back in 2010, but it didn’t quite catch on.
Whatcha gonna do, when Mustachemania goes runnin’ wild on you, brother? If you can also get your hands on a blonde wig and a championship belt, that would be preferred. Sunglasses and a bandana, on the other hand, are requirements if you want to pull this one off.
The Fu Manchu
This now-famous style of mustache gets its name from the 1965 movie about fictional Chinese criminal Fu Manchu, which saw the title character played by the decidedly not-Chinese Christopher Lee. Hollywood would never get away with something that toda – oh, right.
The NFL Playoffs are now in full swing, and Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers has sported more facial hair styles throughout the seasons than just about anyone. Dave from The Draw Play made an awesome comic a couple years back to illustrate just that point. If you decide to try out a Rodgers handlebar for yourself, be sure to photobomb some people, too. Bonus points if you’re immature enough to wear a #69 jersey.
The Classic Handlebar
There may just be no mustache more dapper than the handlebar mustache, complete with plenty of mustache wax. Dustin Hoffman had one as Captain Hook, and in real life it’s been seen on the likes of MLB pitcher Rollie Fingers. If you decide to wear one, be prepared to carry conversations about slinkies and kazoos.
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